---------------------------------------------- Serious satire "Humor is a funny way of being serious" -Thomas Edison -------------------- To have your emails deleted please write to me at renatoobeid@hotmail.com -------------------- Copyright© 2001-2010, Renato Obeid

Archives April 2001 May 2001 June 2001 July 2001 August 2001 September 2001 January 2002 February 2002 March 2002 June 2002 July 2002 August 2002 October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 January 2009 April 2009 October 2012
<< current
  • prequel

    "Top blog/Renato Obeid's World/Today's pick: This rambling weblog is worth reading not so much for its satirical posts but more for its insight into the minutiae of life in Lebanon, including the etiquette of road accidents and how to hire a taxi.” -Jane Perrone, The Guardian

    Thursday, October 25, 2007  
    Juz kickin' back in da crib wid ma homie E. Diddy.
    Eli is insisting that there’s an actual technical term for a guy who works at a shoe shop.
    I disagree and am trying to get him to bet on it like I do with his other wild suggestions.
    I maintain that there’s a term for someone who makes or fixes shoes – a cobbler – but that there isn’t a specific term for someone who works in a shoe shop.
    Maybe there is in Kazakhstan.
    I even searched it on Google Kazakhstan to humour Eli but without any luck.
    I thought that there may have been a medieval or Victorian Era English term (like haberdasher or costermonger) for such a thing (they had a title for every conceivable job back then) so we went to ye olde websites and checked ye olde terms but alas to no avail.
    So we’ve made a bet for five thousand lira but I’ll end up forgiving this like I’ve forgiven most of Eli’s other gambling debts.
    Eli learnt the hard way that, amongst other things, room temperature is so not twenty eight degrees as he insisted it was (maybe in Jamaica it is).
    8.00pm Monday 21st April 2008
    I asked Eli (in an instant message exchange) if he’d been asking people at shoe shops what they’re called and he replied that he hadn’t been to a shoe shop since he was in Lebanon last summer.
    And to think that he regards himself as an expert on shoe shop employees!

    Five thousand lira is the minimum bet I will make.
    Don’t waste my time with anything beneath five thousand lira.
    Sometimes I make ten thousand lira a day (which is Eli’s cut-off point) off Eli.
    I could make a living out of betting with Eli but, as I said, I more often than not forgive Eli his debts so he can keep on betting like a fisherman who catches fish and then throws them back in again.
    I forgive Eli his debts but I don’t forget them – I find that I get more mileage out of always reminding him of his debts than I would have had he have actually payed them.
    Eli also found out the hard way that there are no such words as ‘’subconcial’’ and ‘’insulitive’’ and would have found out the hard way that the late Diana Princess of Wales was not actually Welsh (despite the title) had his father not have explained it to him before he could bet on it.
    It hasn’t been all loses for Eli.
    He won one bet with me regarding how many American soldiers died in the Vietnam War.
    He bet correctly that it was fifty eight thousand.
    I bet that it was seventy thousand.
    I don’t know where I got that figure from – maybe I was ‘’subconcially’’ factoring in all the allied losses.
    The secret to my gambling success is that I’m not smarter than Eli nor anyone else but that I’m very canny – I only bet when I’m absolutely certain of something (i.e. very rarely).
    Not much different than Eli actually – Eli only bets when he’s absolutely certain of something but, like most twenty year olds, he’s absolutely certain of everything.
    My cousin Omar used to be another good source of gambling income for me until he grew out of shooting off his mouth when he wasn’t sure.
    And that’s exactly the reason why I do it – to teach them the value of their own credibility.
    Whenever they’re bullshitting, I’ll demand that that put their money where there mouths are.
    Omar has learnt this lesson, Eli hasn’t yet.
    Omar has also learnt, amongst other things, that a tomato is a fruit not a vegetable.
    I got him on the oldest trick question in the book!
    Are there still people in the twenty first century who don’t know that a tomato is actually a fruit?
    When I told Omar’s father about my gambling exploits he quoted an Egyptian proverb that ''the madman chases the idiots''.
    He wasn’t being ‘’insultive’’ and neither am I, it’s all jokes.

    Sometimes I go into chat rooms for a bit of a laugh.
    I was talking to a woman from China today and when I asked her what she did in life she replied ‘’I sell batteries’’.
    That’s got to be the most random job I’ve ever heard of – straight out of Borat.
    6.00pm Thursday 24th July 2008
    How’s this for another random job?
    “…Mohamed Ibrahim a university student who works part-time selling watermelons in the southern part of the city (Aman)’’ (some online newspaper).
    The watermelon selling industry must be so hard to break into that there are only part-time positions available.

    9:45 pm

    This page is powered by Blogger.