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    "Top blog/Renato Obeid's World/Today's pick: This rambling weblog is worth reading not so much for its satirical posts but more for its insight into the minutiae of life in Lebanon, including the etiquette of road accidents and how to hire a taxi.” -Jane Perrone, The Guardian

    Saturday, June 14, 2003  

    Writen and directed by George Bush Sr.
    Grand Wizard productions.
    Running time : until the next suicide bombing

    Hot on the heels of his inferior "Gulf War" sequel comes George Bush Srs' "Bible" sequel.
    Movie-goers who have waited some five thousand years for a sequel to the still playing "Bible" classic ( CNN calls it "Conflict in the Holy Land!" ) will welcome this road movie tragicomedy.
    It stars Mahmoud Abbas and Yaser Arafat as mismatched good cop/bad cop ( respectively ) Israeli policemen.
    These two partners just can't seem to get it right or to get along and are always having their "arses hauled in" by their grouchy ( but loveable ) chief Ariel Sharon who's always threatening to "come down on you so hard you won't know what hit you!"
    Appearances by George Bush Jr as the bumbling sherif, King Abdallah as "The Wests Good Arab", Hosni Mubarak as "The Wests So So Arab" and Tony Blair as the assistant sherif - most famous for his ongoing role as manager of an American petrol station ( Britain ) in Europe.
    Colin Powell had been considered for a part as one of the cops ( to satisfy the buddy cop genres criteria of black cop/white cop ) but was deemed unsuitable for the role after his unconvincing portrayl of a black man in "Cabinet" ( Eddy Murphy he's not).
    Powell can take solace in his Academy Award for his since abondoned role as a dove.
    Not the most original film idea and doesn't differ much from previous unsuccesful films in the genre - e.g. the "Security Council Resolution" series, "Camp David", "Madrid", "Oslo Accord", "Mitchel Plan", "Tenet Plan" and "Wye River"/"Cry Me A River".
    Furthermore, it's disapointingly derivative in parts - the scene in which Yaser Arafat's Ramalah compound is destroyed mirrors a scene in another American cop comedy, "Lethal Weapon 2", in which Mel Gibsons beachside house is destroyed.
    Don’t expect any cartographic wonders either, Wrong Way Arafat has never been good with maps – when the PLO were based in Beirut, Arafat’s “Foreign Minister” Farouk Kaddoumi famously said “the road to Palestine (south of Beirut) goes through Jounieh (north of Beirut)."
    How about ''the road to Jerusalem goes through a proper map''?
    Despite playing to a "captive" audience in the Holy Land ( the entire Palestinian population ) the films popularity in the West depends on George Bush Jr's rather short attention span.
    That attention span could get even shorter as George W runs for election ( note : election not re-election as he wasn't elected in 2000 ) in 2004.
    My final verdict on "Road Map"?
    Quite simple - borrowing another cliche from the cop movie genre - "move on, move on ,nothing to see here".

    Check your newspaper headlines for details as session times ( and indeed session availability ) are subject to change depending on suicide bombings.

    11:56 am

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